consciousness, spirituality

Letting Go – Of Everything

Per the advice of spiritual teacher Wayne Dyer I decided to start reading E-Squared: Nine Do-It-Yourself Energy Experiments That Prove Your Thoughts Create Your Reality by Pam Grout. I am so excited about this book. I can barely put it down. In the coming weeks I will talk more about creating dreams, and living the highest potential of each moment. I have been blessed already with seeing my inner dreams manifest in my out outer reality in ridiculously amazing ways, but as is the nature of life, it is a moment to moment practice. As I was reading, this particular passage moved me:


When I find my consciousness operating outside “the now,” which is unfortunately a great percentage of the time, I gently remind myself of this analogy: The UPS driver just delivered to my house every single thing I’ve ever wanted, but because I’ve left the building, I don’t even realize it. I’m out hunting for paltry substitutes. Everything is right there, once I bring my consciousness back to the timelessness of “now.” (Grout 12)


Keeping your attention on the now opens up endless possibilities for your good, it is the only place of power, the only moment you’ll ever actually experience. I was reminded of a post I wrote a couple weeks ago but hadn’t yet published. As I re-read it now, I see that the practice of letting go I was experiencing, was the practice of moving back into the present:

I was on a walk today and some anxious thoughts were running through my mind. Some were trying to figure things out, some were about my health and what I should and should not be doing. (For you those thoughts may manifest differently.) As I was walking along it dawned on me that I could make the decision to let go of the anxious thoughts, to not create problems with my mind. This realization dawns on me quite often, which I appreciate, because every moment is a moment to let go of.

I then began thinking that letting go of something, ultimately leads to letting go of everything. Eventually when you discorporate you will be given the opportunity to let go of all things. The peace that comes with such a radical relinquishment can be enjoyed now, while still in this reality. As I walked, new thoughts kept coming into my head and I kept saying, “I can let go of this too.” Then I would place my attention on my immediate surroundings, moving more deeply into the now. Each thing that came up that I let go of gave me a new sensation of peace and appreciation for the experience of the present moment.

Then my mind said, “What about your loved ones? Can you let go of them?” And I tried to figure it out. I had more thoughts trying to reason how I would be able to let go of the people I loved when they passed on. I couldn’t figure it out. So that became what I let go of. I let go of not knowing how to let go. The brilliant thing about the universe is that when you can’t let go of something it helps you along. Someday I may be in a position to let go of those who I love and am extremely attached to in their current form.  But that doesn’t exist for me in my current now.  And when it does, it will still be the now, the place where all miracles, love, and power reside.  I haven’t let go as of yet, haven’t accepted that we all change forms, and that I can accept and let go of.

And with that as I walked along, I was brought back into the timeless, deathless now, the radiant glow of existence revealing its majesty more and more with each “letting go.”

consciousness, spirituality, Uncategorized

The Pain Body Practice and The Beginning of Inner Peace

I’m a huge fan of audiobooks. Every morning I listen to an audiobook, interview, sermon, or anything that will inspire me and bring me more fully into the spirit of the present. I am always amazed by how words of inspiration change my inner state from tired and dreary, to awake, energized, and joyful. As I do my makeup I let the positive words sink in. By the time I’m out the door I feel excited for life. This is the polar opposite of the feeling I have when I first wake up in the morning.

Inner peace is a practice. It requires practice in every single moment. This looks different in every moment. I know that when I’m at work it looks different than when I’m at home. At home I can listen to my audiobooks when I get ready for the day. At work I can allow myself to focus fully on each task, keeping my attention on the “doing” instead of the result I am working towards. When I am at home watching TV and a commercial about some deadly illness comes on and I am about to be afraid of it, I have to practice peace by letting go of fear. Each and every now is an opportunity for greater peace. It is totally fine that not all moments seem as peaceful as others, that is all part of the practice.

Yesterday I began talking about the pain body, the residual energy of past pain that lives within each of us. The pain body creates great opportunities for practice. Of course they don’t feel great, but the awareness gained in the moment of disidentification from the pain body can put you light years ahead of your current state of consciousness. Practicing inner peace with a heavy and active pain body can thrust anyone into a spiritual awakening.

When I was just entering high school I had a very active pain body. I can see now how the emotional pain and the thoughts in my head fed each other constantly. This was a blessing because I knew something was wrong. I knew that the pain and anxiety was not okay. I remember telling my mom, as she was driving home from a friend’s house, that there was something wrong with me. I told her that the voice in my head was always coming up with horrible scenarios about the worst things that could possibly happen to me. It would come up with scenarios where everyone I loved died and play through how I would cope and what it would feel like. While that all sounds quite dramatic, it wasn’t until many years later that I realized everyone had a voice in their head that was making up various scenarios, many of which had negative outcomes. The active pain body was so uncomfortable that it woke me up to that voice as a “problem.” Instead of assuming that the mind is just the way it is, I knew it was causing me too much pain to be in its natural state.

Together the pain body and the voice in the head create the ego. They live their lives through you, and until a little spark of disidentification comes in, they are you. They make your decisions, they create your reactions, and they completely obscure the inner peace that is your natural state. The ego will cease to run your life the moment you realize it is not you. That is all that is required. That is where the practice of inner peace begins.

consciousness, spirituality

How do you forgive yourself?

When I visited an ashram for a short time at the age of 21 I was offered a different perspective about what it meant to forgive yourself. When staying at the ashram I had to do various jobs like housekeeping, landscaping, kitchen duty etc. My first day of housekeeping I was sent outside to bleach shower curtains. As I sprayed, the bleach splashed onto a pair of gray sweatpants hung on the line just in front of me. I rushed inside dousing the pants with water but sure enough, like mold on a strawberry, little white dots began to appear. When the guest came to retrieve his sweatpants he was extremely upset, they had been his favorite pair of pants. I felt terrible and cried to the head of housekeeping about it. There is no concealing your inner state, however you might try, and the other people in my program knew I was sad the rest of that day.

Across the hall from my dorm was a blonde boy, probably a couple years older than me, named Chandler. The most charming thing about him was that he actually said “golly” with all sincerity. When I told him what had happened his response was something I never expected. He said, “Katie, that man has given you the greatest gift! The chance to forgive yourself!” I had never looked at forgiving myself as a gift before. But forgiveness is a gift even when the person you happen to be forgiving is yourself. By forgiving you say, “While this or that has taken place, I see through that to your true self, the same self which is in all of us, holy and untouched by outer circumstance.” When you can say that to yourself, you are loving yourself. And while forgiving yourself at first may seem difficult, because of emotions like guilt and shame, you can practice by forgiving other people.

There are a million moments each day to forgive other people, to look past their outer form and see their truest inner being. When someone has an opinion you find offensive, you can look through that, you can forgive. When someone is unkind, unhelpful, or unforgiving to you, that is a moment to practice forgiveness. Even further, you can practice forgiveness by forgiving the present moment. Allow the now to be as it is by forgiving whatever it brings. When the present moment is undesirable, practice forgiving that moment by bringing inner acceptance to what is. When you accept and allow you open up space for change. Forgiveness does this for moments you experience, for people in your life, and for you. Forgiveness transforms the illusion of form into the reality of timeless being. Forgiveness makes all and everything holy and unified. No matter what you have done, that you now see in the light of awareness was not the right thing to do, practice forgiving yourself. Practice seeing past what you have done, to who you truly are. Looking past the outer circumstances of your life in turn allows you to do the same for all other beings. It connects us all, and gives us all the chance to live our destiny as fully conscious beings, unshaken by the illusion of outer circumstance.