As the years pass what I want to be has become clearer to me. I want to be consciousness, love, peace, joy, and utterly present. What continues to elude me is what I want to do. Not knowing my outer purpose has caused me to engage in a lot of efforting to “figure it out,” which comes along with the residual anxiety from thinking I should know what I want to do when I don’t yet know. This mental non-acceptance of what is, not only causes suffering, but is also a sure ticket to becoming out of alignment with the present moment.
The other night I received a profound message from a colleague who wasn’t even trying to offer advice. She told me that all through her twenties she kept trying to do what she thought she was supposed to do; she tried to “make it happen.” But eventually everything came together, her outer purpose became clear as day and was not what she initially worked for all those years. For her, this new understanding would have come one way or another, and the years spent thinking she was supposed to have it all figured out would have been much better spent just enjoying herself. Not only would her purpose have presented itself eventually anyway, she said it probably would have become apparent much sooner had she not been attempting to “make it happen” the way she thought it was supposed to.
In the gift of her story I heard echoes of Tolle, “Don’t let a mad world tell you that success is anything other than a successful present moment.” Enjoy the “right now”, no matter how messy that “right now” appears, and how elusive future security may seem to the thinking mind. A seed of joy now will be realized in even greater abundance in the future. A seed of presence now, will grow into your life’s outer purpose.